Why pets learn best when we set them up to succeed and why telling them off is not what I advocate.

COCKER SPANIEL IN A DOG BED

I often get asked, ‘when do I tell them off’ this may be a dog who is barking at another dog or person or a cat who is scratching furniture. When I reply, ‘you don’t’! I feel it is not always the response that is expected, so here is an explanation behind this.

We love our pets, we share our space, sofas, sometimes our food and even our bed and pillows with them. But when your dog steals your food or your cat decides your new curtains make an excellent climbing opportunity, it’s easy to slip into 'What were you thinking?!' mode.

Here’s the deal: they were not thinking what you were thinking about it and telling them off does not do what we assume it does. Let’s break it down — scientifically, practically, and with a gentle dose of common sense.

Why telling pets off does not work, and can often makes things worse

Animals live in the moment — fantastically and infuriatingly so. If you walk in on your dog proudly standing in the remains of what used to be your favourite shoes, and you tell them off, your dog is not thinking, 'Ah yes… this punishment correlates with my earlier poor choice of footwear/curtain....object of choice destruction'.

What they’re actually thinking, 'human is upset'. I shall activate ‘guilty look’ to increase survival odds.”

That so-called guilt? It’s not guilt, it is appeasement behaviour. Science shows animals can’t link delayed punishment to past actions. If the consequence is not immediate, the message gets lost. Punishment often teaches only one thing: sometimes the human becomes unpredictable and scary, which reduces trust and bond.

When 'telling off' makes fearful behaviour worse.

A dog who barks at the window like they’re defending the kingdom from incoming demons, might be the neighbour, or a passing dog or postman. Or the dog who growls at people walking directly toward them on a narrow pavement.

These dogs are not being 'naughty'. They are worried, anxious, scared or fearful, addressing the underlying emotion behind the behaviour is extremely important.

When a fearful dog barks, lunges, or growls, they’re saying:

“That thing is too close! I don’t feel safe!”

If we respond with shouting, yanking the lead, or stern corrections, here’s the accidental lesson:

Scary thing appears → I panic → human gets angry →the scary thing is DEFINITELY scary.

Fear reinforced, confidence reduced, behaviour worsened. Next time, they may bark louder, earlier, or escalate to more aggressive displays of body language.

Instead, we want:

Scary thing appears → good stuff happens → (caveat desired behaviour needs to be taught before pairing with the scary thing)

Huh… maybe that thing isn’t so bad, change their emotional response → the behaviour changes too.

You’re not bribing them — you’re teaching them how to succeed in a human world.

So instead, set them up to succeed.

Every animal learns through association and consequence. Good choices should lead to good things. Undesirable choices should be prevented, not punished.

Child locks on cupboards with food in, if your dog is opening the door to steal food.

Provide the chews if your dog chews soft or hard furnishings, chewing is a natural stress relief behaviour, why are they chewing in the first place, are they lonely, bored, stressed, age related needs being met?

Add a safe space away from noisy visitors – not all pets are social and provide a safe space for them to be calm and quiet instead of conflicted.

Walk in quieter locations, with less dogs, noise or people, management tools are incredibly useful and make life for everyone easier.

Why it matters: Behaviour isn’t about being 'naughty'

A few truths:

• Pets don’t have a spite agenda.

• They’re not misbehaving — they’re communicating needs.

• Fearful animals need support, not intimidation.

• “Bad” behaviour is simply the only behaviour they know in that moment and a coping mechanism.

  
  

Whether it’s scratching, barking, hiding, chewing or yelling 'STRANGER DANGER' at every passer-by — it all has a reason.

When you help your pet win:

·       Their confidence grows

·       Behaviour improves

·       Trust deepens

·       You shout less and enjoy more

·       Walks become peaceful instead of dramatic for everyone

Help them thrive, don’t make them guess, so instead of:

'NO!', 'Stop that!'

or

Various physical acts of trauma such as lead yanking, pong collars, water sprays, spay collars, electric shock collars, the list could go on!

Try:

·       Preventing the situation

·       Offering a better option

·       Rewarding the good

·       Supporting fearful behaviour with empathy

·       Show compassion, they are supposed to be your best friend!

Because a pet set up to succeed becomes the brilliant companion you always knew they could be — with far fewer chewed objects, less barking at imaginary or real threats, and a happy, trusting bond at the centre of it all. Please contact me if you would like help with your pet.